the little things

I've officially been gone for twenty seven days. And now, it's the little things that I miss the most.

Obviously, I miss my family. I miss my friends. But it goes much deeper than that.

I miss being able to hold a decent conversation without straining my brain to be able to think of a word.

I miss knowing exactly what is going on all of the time. Here, my motto (other than c'est pas grave, of course) is just go with it, don't ask questions. Whenever I ask questions, about 90% of the time I can't completely comprehend the answer anyway. In school, I've made enough friends that I'm able to just follow people around, and trust that they'll get me to the right class. With my host family, I just ask what time I need to be ready, and I'm never completely sure what I'll be doing until after I arrive.

I miss food. Comforting food, like mac and cheese, and peanut butter, and cold skim milk. I miss Hershey's candy. I miss being able to eat fruit without a fork and a knife. I miss the familiar.

I miss ugly sweaters. I am SO cold here all of the time, and I would like nothing more than to be able to throw on an ugly sweater and call it a day.

I miss being able to drive. This is probably the most prominent. In the United States, yes, I always had to "ask" permission to do something. But it was always closer to "hey mom, I'm doing this, is that okay?".  In Belgium, I have to worry about getting a ride, I have to worry about being an inconvenience to the family, I have to worry about what time I want to be picked up and figure out all of the little details ahead of time. I'm not able to just drive to wherever I need to be whenever I want. I can't just run up to the mall to buy something whenever I need it, or just jump in my car when I'm bored.

That's another thing. In Minnesota, I was NEVER bored. I was ALWAYS doing something. And here, I find myself with so much down time. That's just the life style here. People don't hang out as much here as they do in the United States. Spending the night at home alone is not unheard of here. For me, it is.

Overall, it's these little things that provide the most culture shock.

Being able to wear my kicks without people judging me.

Having a locker at school.

Smart boards in school, not chalk boards.

Flex.

Target.

The mall.

Unlimited text messaging.

Unlimited calling.

Hip hop.

Eating pancakes for breakfast.

Hugs.

Understanding jokes.

Ugly people.

Wearing skirts and dresses without freezing.

Sillybandz.

Nail polish.

Dry deodorant.

Radio stations in English.

Comfortable couches.

Names such as "Ben", "Tom", and "Joe".

Domino's pizza.

Caribou Coffee.

Talking to boys without being judged.

Toe socks.

T-shirts.

Stop signs.

Speed limits.

Diet coke.

Carpet.

Buffalo Wild Wings.

Letter jackets.

Stop lights.

I miss being a normal person. Here, I'm either in the spotlight or completely ignored. And from my experiences thus far, neither are fun for long. 

Last night I had a dream in French. I was with Belgian people, and everyone was speaking French. I believe this is a good sign? I'm adapting here, I most definitely am. My life is here now, and I know that. I'm living that. It's just hard sometimes.

This weekend was not the best. I didn't do anything extremely fun, and I had too much time to think.

I was sad. Last night, I was sad.

Why?

I don't know. I guess for me right now I miss having friends I can talk to, and people who can comfort me.

The other day in French class, I got some very good advice from a friend of mine sitting next to me.

We were doing this activity that I believe has something to do with transcendentalism (but again, I'm never really sure).  We would take out a piece of paper and the teacher would instruct us to write down a noun. Then we'd fold the paper over, so you couldn't see what we had written, and we'd write whether it was singular or plural, masculine or feminine. Then we'd pass it to the left and we'd write a verb that corresponded with the number of noun/ the gender etc. Now, in English, this would be ridiculously easy. But in French, it was very hard for me. I don't know how to conjugate verbs perfectly yet, and my strong point thus far is definitely speaking, not writing. Not to mention all of the other students where whizzing through the activity, and I was getting frustrated. At one point I said something about how I did not like the activity as it was too difficult for me. And my friend next to me just looks at me and says "If you wanted to do something easy, you wouldn't have come to Belgium. You don't speak French, of course it isn't easy for you. But that's why you're here, isn't it?" (I can't actually remember whether he said it in English or in French; many of the people at school talk to me in Franglish, randomly adding in phrases or words in English. And of course, everyone's English is much better than my French). But him saying this to me, so bluntly, really had an impact on me.

The whole time I've been here, I've been happy, because I know that this is my choice. This is what I've wanted to do for so long and I'm not going to let homesickness or anything else stand in the way of me having an amazing year. But Friday in school was not a good day for me. Hearing those words however, snapped me out of it. It is going to be a challenge, I know that. It is going to be difficult, and of course I am going to get frustrated. It's going to be hard sitting in Chemistry class, not understanding a word the teacher is saying. It's going to be hard sitting home alone on a Saturday night. It's going to be hard trying to write an essay in French. It's going to be hard to spend Christmas away from my family. But I can do it. Because I know that in the end, every obstacle I overcome is only going to make my experience greater.

This blog was very stream of consciousness, so sorry it's not exactly organized. I'm having a bit of writers block at the moment. I'm just a little sad and down these last few days. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll be better soon :)

This is a picture of my school. The courtyard is where we usually eat lunch, although I'm sure that will have to end shortly as the Belgian weathers is getting worse every day. It's a nice school. I'd take pictures of the classrooms but apparently you're not allowed to have anything electronic in school, including cameras. But yeah. I'll most likely post again tonight :)